Throughout my whole life my parents taught me about the Bible. They continually stressed to me that God is real and death, hell, and heaven are realities. I never doubted that. I knew my parents would not lie to me, but I did not truly believe them because I did not want to turn from my sinful life. I would listen to the Bible taught every night during our family devotions and every Sunday at the services, and I, each morning, did my personal devotions (although I secretly wished that I didn’t have to do these things), yet for years I had no desire for God, or to learn what I was taught. It was not until, about eleven years after I was born, that God in His great grace gave me a desire for spiritual things.
When I was nine, my brother Daniel professed faith in Christ. When I first heard that he professed faith in Christ my first thoughts, I remember, were something along the lines of, I’d like to be a Christian to. I began to see his life change and wanted my life to be like his. I began to be sorry for sins that I had committed in the past. I had, about three years earlier, told a lie to my parents. I had never confessed it for fear of punishment, and I had continually tried to forget about it. But I was having a lot of trouble forgetting about it. A little after Daniel was saved, I finally went to me parents and confessed about the lie that I had told. I began to feel better about me self after that, and I stopped thinking too much about being a Christian.
After I had confessed to my parents about the lie I had told, my thoughts began to change. I went from thinking like, I’d like to be a Christian to, to something like, I confessed that lie, and I haven’t told anymore lies since I confessed, and I’m not really being that bad. I also began to think things such as I’m too young to be saved. I’ll think about these things later. I had the misconceived idea that I could be saved when I wanted to, and I almost thought it to be a decision that I could make, like, today I will start being a better person, and so I’ll be able to get saved. I made some vain attempts at “being a better person” so that I could be saved, but they never worked. I was trying to be a better person by my own works, instead of realizing that it is not our works that save us, but that we are saved by faith, and faith is a gift of God.
When I was almost eleven, God started to work in my heart, and show me that I truly was not as good as I had believed myself to be. He began to show me that I was a sinner; I would go to hell when I died and I had no assurance that I would live longer; I could die anytime. I started to be afraid every time we had a thunderstorm at night. I would lie awake thinking on those facts. Sometimes during particularly bad storms, I would go into my parent’s bedroom and we would talk about what it was to be a Christian. I would go back to bed, and, until the next thunderstorm I would be fine; then the pattern would repeat itself. After a while God began to bring these thoughts to my mind more often. I went from being afraid during thunderstorms to being afraid at night, and then to being afraid a lot of the time, either day or night. The verse Isaiah 57:21, “There is no peace, saith my God, for the wicked”, was true of me. I was continually frightened with these thoughts, yet I tried to put them out of my mind whenever possible, rather than cry out to God for mercy.
Eventually God began to give me a desire for His Word, and I started asking Him to save me from my sin. I also started talking to my parents more often. They continually told me that I had to believe God. They told me to cry out to God for faith to trust Him, and then cry out to Him, in faith, asking Him to save me from my sin. I would pray to God to save me, but not in faith, not believing that He really would.
God continued to give me a desire for His Word and a realization that I needed Him. I started praying continually that God would give me faith. On January 26, 2006 we had a thunderstorm, (in the very early morning, around two or three o’clock AM) and I went into my parents bedroom. We talked about sin, faith, and being a Christian. My Dad kept telling me that if I really wanted God to save me, I had to cry out to Him, and ask Him to save me. After a little while I did, and I believe that He did save me. I praise Him for His grace to me! There is nothing I could ever have done to make myself good enough for Him! “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God” – Ephesians 2:8
On June 4, 2006 I was baptized. Since I was saved, I have greatly enjoyed learning about God, and learning His Word. God had been teaching me to trust Him through the things that go on in my life, and I am learning to “…be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” – Hebrews 13:5. I still have to mortify sin in my life, but I now hate that sin. I pray and strive to be more like Christ and be conformed to His image. It is my great desire to honor God in all that I do, and serve and magnify Him with my life.
Amy
